Theme From The
Dork Of The Rings
An
original rap song about the parody film “The Dork of the Rings”.
Lyrics
& Music by the great Luke Ski
©
2006 Luke Sienkowski
One franchise to rule them
all,
One sales pitch to blind
them,
One stop shopping at the
mall,
And bankruptcy will grind them!
Now,
here’s a little story I’d like to tell
About
Muddle Earth heroes you don’t know well.
Nine
credit cards that were forged into blings
Carried
by Frudo Buggins, the Dork of the Rings!
In
the Westshire Golf Course outside Lardor
Live
Throbbits who duck whenever they hear “Fore!”
Bobo
ditched the ring to avoid the creditors.
Now
Frudo’s got the burden just like the film’s editors.
Randolf
sent him off, it was sort of a scam,
And
it’d go much faster he didn’t have Ham.
A
tagalong nuisance reminiscent of pork.
But
Sweetandsourman made an army of Spork.
Running
like mucus, the Nosedrools soon got ‘em.
The
immortal pricing gun, they tagged Frudo’s bottom.
When
Femowen sucked the evil out of his butt,
I
said “C’mon Jack Peterson! For god’s
sake, CUT!”
One franchise to rule them
all,
One sales pitch to blind
them,
One stop shopping at the
mall,
And bankruptcy will grind them!
The Dork Of The Rings, for him things are not
dandy.
When
Frudo said he’d do it, he meant to pass candy.
His
furry palms were sweatin’ cause he’ll face his doom,
So
they formed a nerdy posse to go to Bank
Boom.
Legoblocks
the Elfis will click into place, man.
The
rockin’est archer this side of Graceland.
Arogant
the Wrangler will fight through and through,
Just
as long as you know “Never screw with the do.”
There’s Gimpy the Dweeb with his twenty pound hammer
That’s
also a modem, this techie stands tall.
From
the I.T. Clan, he’ll destroy any spammer.
And
then there’s Boredandqueer, and his name says it all.
So
now they’re fellowshippin’, Lord Moron is trippin’,
Thanks
to Ham, Randolph’s
banana peel slippin’.
There’s
Spork blood and gore on the Dork-Mart floor,
And
they’re all like “kssht! Clean up on aisle four!”
One franchise to rule them
all,
One sales pitch to blind
them,
One stop shopping at the
mall,
And bankruptcy will grind them!
The Dork Of The Rings in his dorky golf clothes
Saw
the Internet troll fall out his Windows.
Gladwrapriel
likes songs by John Tesh,
And
she wrapped up Fleabeard ‘cause he was too fresh.
Martha
the Steward had her own hunk attack.
And
who knows just what Scrotum has got in his sack.
His
split personalities make him yell “Stop it!”
When
they say “I’ll get that Razzafrackin’ Throbbit!”
Scrotum
led them as fast as he can
To
the unfriendly neighborhood spider-man.
He
almost had Frudo, when Ham rose above it,
And
said, “Take this Schlaab and shove it!” Yeah!
The
kingdom was saved by the fellowship seven,
When
the big dark exec filed a chapter eleven.
And
we heard Scrotum shout as he ran out of sight,
“Hurry
up, nice Throbbits, we’re losing our light!”
One franchise to rule them
all,
One sales pitch to blind
them,
One stop shopping at the
mall,
And bankruptcy will grind them! One more time!
One franchise to rule them
all, C’mon!
One sales pitch to blind
them, Everybody say!
One stop shopping at the
mall,
And bankruptcy will grind them!
Its… The Dork Of The Rings!…
The Dork Of The Rings!… (begin fade out)
The Dork Of The Rings!…
The Dork Of The Rings! … (end)