Fantastic Voyager
A parody of "Fantastic Voyage" by Coolio, about the TV show "Star Trek: Voyager".
Parody lyrics by the great Luke Ski
© 1995-2009 Luke Sienkowski


Janeway: Computer, initiate emergency medical holographic program.
Doctor: Please state the nature of the medical emergency.

Yeah, that's the ticket.
Come on y'all, let's take a ride.
Don’t you say Chakotay, just get inside.
It's time to take you all on another kind of ship,
So sit back and hear the tale of a fateful trip.
Captain Janeway's at the helm,
Givin' all of the orders in her Starfleet realm.
Searchin' Badlands for Maquis lunatics,
In the NCC-74656.
Ain't no Jean Luc, ain't no Benji,
Ain't no Klingons, Romulans, or Ferengi,
Or Bajorans, or Cardassians to attack,
So it really don’t matter, we just wanna get back,
I got brought here by the Caretaker.
70,000 light years, and it's such a heartbreaker.
If you can't take the heat, get your ass out the galley.
Uh! No time to dally.

Come along and fly on a fantastic Voyager.
Slide, Slipidy slide.
Starflett and Maquis learning to survive.
Come along and fly on a fantastic Voyager.
Slide, Slipidy slide.
By the time I get home, I'll be 105.

I'm tryin' to find a way that I can be objective,
And still not violate the Prime Directive.
Help the Ocampa find a way to live on,
Without livin' in fear of the Keyzon.
And even if I get away from those Keyzon idiots,
I still gotta worry about those phagin' Vidians.
They're gross and decrepit, but they do not beg,
Cause and rendezvous will cost an arm and a leg.
I try to have faith in my crew,
but sometimes my crew keeps splittin' in two.
"You don’t understand about fightin' to be free,
'Cause you ain't Maquis!"
And, "You know how to take orders and stand to the beat,
'Cause now you're Starfleet!"
If you wanna get home, then just stop this fight.
(Hell yeah) And let the crew unite.

Come along and fly on a fantastic Voyager.
Slide, Slipidy slide.
We do what we do just to survive.
Come along and fly on a fantastic Voyager.
Slide, Slipidy slide.
Just cruisin' along at warp 9.5.

Holo Doc Zimmerman could be nicer,
But still I gotta say to him "Hail Lord Schweitzer!"
And Kes will finesse will impress on the test
And the rest may have guessed, as a nurse, she's the best.
Neelix, is cookin' up the soup dujour,
for Security Vulcan, Tuvok Shakur.
Chakotay helps me to adapt,
And Ensign Harry Kim is always gettin' kidnapped.
The pilot Tom Paris is an egotister,
He went out with both of the Delaney sisters,
And I'm sure he'll wanna, get with B'lanna
Torres Klingonna, tryin' to reach nirvana.
Searchin' and scannin' and cavortin'.
If we wanna get somewhere, then we better start warpin'
That's the way I rock a jam on the UPN.
Stay tuned, up next is Platypus Man.

Come along and fly on a fantastic platypus.
Slide, Slipidy slide.
Richard Jeni makes me laugh with a twist of lime.
Come along and fly on a fantastic Voyager.
Slide, Slipidy slide.
Monday nights, 8 o'clock, Eastern Standard Time.

Just warp along. That's what you do. Just warp along. That's right.
Just warp along. That's what you do. Just warp along. That's right.
Do you want to Trek with me?
Do you want to Trek with me?
Do you want to Trek with me?
Do you want to Trek with me?