Jack-A-Bye

A parody of "Lullaby" by Shawn Mullins, about Jack Nicholson, and how he is better than all of the actors of the late 90's/early 2000's.

Parody Lyrics by the great Luke Ski

JACK NICHOLSON:

(spoken:) Hiya doin’ folks? This here’s your ol’ buddy Jack. Nicholson, that is, for those of you who have been living in a cave for the past 60 years. Wanna tell ya a little bedtime story about a pet peeve of mine.

Nowadays, all the children are the stars

And the Hollywood films are a stupid farce.

You don’t need talent, just good looks. Everywhere it’s scary.

They’re worshipping dolts like David Schwimmer, and Matt LeBlanc, and Matthew Perry.

The W.B. boys like James Van Der Beek,

I’d like to chain them all up and drop them to the bottom of Dawson’s Creek.

So before Jason Biggs screws another pie,

I’ll sing to you this lullabye.

THE GREAT LUKE SKI:

I sing, everything is as good as it gets,

Jack-a-bye,

Jack-a-bye.

Everything is as good as it gets,

Jack-a-bye,

Jack-a-bye.

JACK NICHOLSON:

Johnny Depp and Ethan Hawke couldn’t be dumber.

Chris O’Donnel’s Robin doesn’t have the Joker’s style.

And I know what Freddie Prinze Jr. did last summer.

He was looking for his brain, while David Arquette was learning to dial.

Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are contracting,

To make their movie’s sequel, “Bad Will Acting”.

THE GREAT LUKE SKI:

But, everything is as good as it gets,

Jack-a-bye,

Jack-a-bye.

Everything is as good as it gets,

Jack-a-bye,

Jack-a-bye.

JACK NICHOLSON:

Leonardo Dicaprio was a real tour de force,

For the thirty seconds or so, that he played a frozen corpse.

Christian Slater’s just like me, if I was retarded.

Keanu Reeves… (sigh) …Don’t get me started.

(spoken by Jack Nicholson and Keanu Reeves:)

KEANU REEVES: Did someone mention my name?

JACK NICHOLSON: Oh, Christ, Keanu! What the hell are you doing here?

KEANU REEVES: Well, I was wondering around aimlessly outside, and I heard you singing in here, and you say my name, so I thought you needed my help. So I came in here to help you with your song, Jack!

JACK NICHOLSON: Why in the hell would I want help from a completely brain dead, Venice beach surfer boy, acting school drop-out like you?

KEANU REEVES: But, I’m cute!

JACK NICHOLSON: That does it, I’m outta here.

KEANU REEVES: No, don’t go away, Jack! I can help you with this song! See, I’ve got a band now. It’s called “Dog Star”. Do you wanna hear a song? I love you dude, dude, dude… dude, dude, dude… I love you dude, dude, dude, dude, dude… Pretty good, huh?

(voices fade out as they walk away. Meanwhile in the background, the great Luke Ski has been singing the repeating chorus)

THE GREAT LUKE SKI:

But, everything is as good as it gets,

Jack-a-bye,

Jack-a-bye.

Everything is as good as it gets,

Jack-a-bye,

Jack-a-bye.

Everything is as good as it gets,

Jack-a-bye,

Jack-a-bye.

Everything is as good as it gets,

Jack-a-bye,

Jack-a-bye.