Jello
Shots
An original song about Tom Lehrer's
invention, the Jello Shot.
Lyrics by the great Luke Ski
© 2009 Luke Sienkowski
No doubt there
will be some who'll claim I'm in error,
When I speak of
the satirist known as Tom Lehrer.
You've seen his
LPs up in your parent's attics,
Recorded when he
was teaching mathematics.
But it's not odd
tunes or old calculus pages,
That will be his
legacy passed through the ages…
The folks still
remember, it was late December
Of '56, that was
the case.
Serving in the
Army, Tom's planned Christmas party,
No spirits allowed
on the base.
'Sneak it in?' you
may ask, 'in a small metal flask?'
No way, 'cause
those Sergeants could smell a tin.
So do what you
oughta', use vodka, not water,
Inside a dessert
made of gelatin.
Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
From Fort Dix out
to Santa Monica!
Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
You saved us all
from a dry Chanukah!
Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
We sure fooled
that old Uncle Sam,
Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
But now I'm not
sure where I am.
Just take some
fine gin once beloved by Bing Crosby,
And combine it
with snacks once endorsed by Bill Cosby.
If small children
saw them, they'd sure want a turn at these,
So we knew they
would love them at college fraternities,
Sorority girls
downed as much as they could,
And even at
Harvard its M.I.T. good!
In chemistry
class, when you spy a hot lass,
Learn this
hydrolyzed collagen's relevance.
From her you'll
get a smooch, with some lemony hooch,
If you're in
command of the Elements.
So look out, here
they come! Take Tequila or Rum,
And make it Lime,
Orange, or Cherry.
It's the treat you
can spike, and to folks you don't like,
You can always
give them the raspberry.
Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
Watch those sugars
and additives congeal!
Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
It's a
preschooler's 60-proof meal!
Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
Oh, down your
gullet they will frolic!
Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
Your floor looks
like a Jackson Pollack.
Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
The greatest stuff
ever, I think.
Jello Shots!
Oh, Jello Shots!
I don't know,
because I never drink!