Keanu Barada Nikto
An original sketch about the 2008 remake of the film "The
Day The Earth Stood Still"
Written by the great Luke Ski
© 2008 Luke Sienkowski
Director:
All right Keanu, we're about to film
the climactic scene at the end of our remake of the 1951 sci-fi
classic,
"The Day The Earth Stood Still". You are the alien Klaatu, sent to
destroy mankind with your giant robot Gort, who has transformed into
trillions
of microscopic robots which are destroying all humans and everything
man-made.
But you've had a change of heart, and you've fought through the cloud
of killer
nanites to reach your big glowing spaceship orb, so you can reach up
and touch
it and speak the command that will deactivate Gort and save humanity,
"Klaatu Barada Nikto". Have you got all that?
Keanu:
Yes. …Wait, what?
Director: Close
enough.
Keanu:
Where's all that stuff you were just
talking about? All I see is this huge green wall.
Director: It's
special effects, we're going to
add it in later.
Keanu:
Whoa.
Director: Okay,
rolling!
Marker: Quiet
on the set!
Director: Speed!
Marker!
Marker: "The
Day the Earth Stood
Still" remake, scene 185.
Director: And,
action!
Keanu:
Klaatu Barada Neo.
Director: No,
wrong movie Keanu. The last word is
Nikto.
Keanu:
Oh, right.
Director: Keep
rolling, action.
Keanu:
Klaatu Barada Nicotine.
Director: No,
try again.
Keanu:
Klaatu Barada Nicaragua.
Director: No.
Keanu:
Klaatu Barada Nicholson.
Director: No.
Keanu:
Klaatu Barada Nickelodeon.
Director: No.
Keanu:
That reminds me, is it time for
Spongebob yet?
Director: Not
until you say the line right,
dingus. Keep rolling, action.
Keanu:
Klaatu Barada Necktie.
Director: No.
Keanu:
Neckturn.
Director: No.
Keanu:
Nickle.
Director: No.
Keanu:
Noodle?
Director: No.
Keanu:
It's an N-word, it's definitely an
N-word.
Director: Look,
repeat after me. Nick!
Keanu:
Nick!
Director: Toe!
Keanu:
Toe!
Director: Nikto!
Keanu:
Nikto!
Director: Is
good, yes?
Keanu:
Is good, yes?
Director: NO!
Keanu:
No?
Director: Nikto!
Keanu:
Nikto!
Director: Nikto!
Keanu:
Nikto!
Director: Nikto!
You got it? Nikto!
Keanu:
Nikto! Yes, nikto!
Director: Okay,
action!
Keanu:
Klaatu Banana Nikto!
Director: NO!
Keanu:
Klaatu Bacon Nikto!
Director: NO!
Keanu:
Klaatu Barack Obama!
Director: Stop
it!
Keanu:
Klaatu John McCain?
Director: No!
It's Klaatu Barada Nikto!
Keanu:
Cuckoo Bahama Leno!
Director: Klaatu
Barada Nikto!
Keanu:
Sawtooth Ivana Sideshow!
Director: Klaatu
Barada Nikto!
Keanu:
Yahoo Nirvana Backhoe!
Director: Klaatu
Barada Nikto!
Keanu:
Charles Nelson Reilly!
Director: CUT!!!
That's a wrap! I'm not filming
anymore! Turn the cameras off! I'm done with this!
Marker: But
sir, what are we supposed to do
about the big climactic scene?
Director: Have
the special effects code monkeys
show him getting disintegrated as soon as he touches the orb! I don't
care!
Marker: But
sir, movie buffs have been waiting
57 years for this moment.
Keanu:
Yeah, the fans will be pissed if
they don't hear "Klaatu Barada Nikto".
Director: AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHH!!!
Marker: Oh
dear. Looks like he's having
another episode.
Keanu:
Yeah, all my directors seem to have
them. Better put something in his mouth so he doesn't swallow his
tongue. Can
you hand me a spoon?
Marker: Keanu,
there is no spoon.
Keanu:
Bogus.
Marker: All
right, that's lunch people, let's
go.
Keanu:
Hey, boss, look, maybe I didn't say
every single little tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them, yeah.
Can I
go watch Spongebob now? You know, he lives in a pineapple under the
sea. And
like, me he's totally not gay.