The Give Lindsay Lohan A Sammich Foundation
A between song interstitial sketch for Luke’s next CD, “Unconventional”.

Announcer:    And now, a very important message from ‘the great Luke Ski’.

(serious PSA type music plays)

the great Luke Ski:    Hello.  I’m ‘the great Luke Ski’.  You know, pop culture isn’t all flashy images, zippy catch phrases, and fictional characters.  No, it’s made up of real people, famous people, who work their hardest to provide you with the entertainment you crave.  Entertainment without which this great nation of ours would surely fall into manic depression, public chaos, and worldwide economic collapse.  So it is up to us, the little people, to give these hard working celebrities a helping hand, in order to ensure that they can keep doing their job.  That it why I, Luke Ski, have formed a new organization to do my part to help the cause.  I call it, the “Give Lindsay Lohan A Sammich” Foundation.  Yes, if you donate to the “Give Lindsay Lohan A Sammich” Foundation, you will be funding a trip.  A trip I, Luke Ski, will personally take, to Los Angeles, California, or wherever Lindsay Lohan is working on her newest project, so that I can take her out to lunch, and give her a sammich.  In order to ensure that the mission of this new charitable organization is a success, I will go with her to lunch, whether it be to Subway, Quiznos, Cousins, Milio’s, Jimmy Johns, or perhaps a locally-owned non-chain sammich preparation establishment, and spend some time with her, to ensure that she eats the sammich.  She will have her choice of whatever breads, meats, fixings, and sauces she likes, so long as it is a sammich conducive to a good full meal, with whatever side item and drink she wishes.  While at this lunch while she is eating her sammich, I will compliment her on her early works with Disney, as well as more recent works such as the very funny film “Mean Girls”, her hilarious appearances on “Saturday Night Live”, and the family friendly “Herbie: Fully Loaded”, all in which she has blossomed into one of Hollywood’s finest, funniest, and most attractive young comedic actresses.  I will try to impress unto her that in all of the latter works, she established a look for herself which America found adorable, and that she should not so idly throw such a wholesome look away.  I will try to as gently as possible let her know that just because she hangs out with Paris Hilton, does not mean that she has to look and act exactly like her.  Blonde for the sake of blonde is not always the best thing to do, and through the eating of such things as sammiches, just like the very sammich she will be eating as I am speaking to her, that she can maintain a body weight which will keep her face from being angular, give her curvy hips and a reasonably ample bust-line, and a generally healthy and vibrant look that will keep her in a positive light in the hearts and minds of all the TV viewers and movie ticket buyers across this great nation of ours.  Hopefully my words will reach her cute and receptive ears, and as she reaches the point of having a full stomach, perhaps she will realize that there is much to be said for a somewhat older, dishwater blonde with blue eyes, whose Midwestern good looks, wit, wisdom, and palpable charisma could help guide her through the potential moral minefield of being a young impressionable actor in today’s society.  So please, ladies and gentlemen, won’t you donate some of your hard earned disposable income to the “Give Lindsay Lohan A Sammich” Foundation.  Because only when you give your dough, can I give some bread, with some lettuce and probably bacon in it, to Lindsay Lohan.  I’m ‘the great Luke Ski’, thank you for your time, and God bless.

Announcer:    That was ‘the great Luke Ski’ speaking on behalf of the “Give Lindsay Lohan A Sammich” Foundation.  Be sure to also donate to Luke’s other favorite charities, the “Give Christina Ricci A Full Body Massage” Fund, and the “Give Christina Applegate A Multiple Orgasm” Organization.