My
Parents Bought Me Intellivision
An original rap song about
the Intellivision video game system.
Lyrics by the great Luke Ski, Verse 4 by Insane Ian
© 2009 Luke Sienkowski
My big sister Amy and kid
brother J.T.
And I were all busy writing
letters to Santa,
Hoping to get stuff from
that jolly phantom.
Amy liked clothes, and J.T.
liked cars,
And I liked cartoons, but
agreement was ours
That the thing we all wanted
most right where we are, we
All wanted a 2600 Atari.
All our friends had 'em, and
they all had known
What it's like to have an
arcade in your own home.
The big morning came, and we
all laid our eyes
On our presents we opened to
find a surprise!
How could they possibly
screw this up?
MY PARENTS BOUGHT ME
INTELLIVISION!
I was six years old, saying
"What the f-[bleep]?!"
MY PARENTS BOUGHT ME
INTELLIVISION!
Soon I had to endure grade
schooler retorts,
MY PARENTS BOUGHT ME
INTELLIVISION!
Because my Mom and Dad read
Consumer Reports.
[Devo Spice:] Should be called
"StupidVision"!
[ShoEboX:] Oooh! A game system from the same company
that makes Barbie!
Since they all had Atari, I
couldn't trade games.
Well I wasn't just going to
sit around bored,
So I grabbed the controller
with its curly cord.
Hit the circular disc you
control with your thumb.
No joystick? I was like,
this is dumb!
Where's the red button? They
got nothin'!
Slide in this sheet for the
keypad functions?
Tiny side buttons, you can
barely smack that,
Just so I can play Las Vegas
Poker and Blackjack?
Overall, the thing really
smelled,
But I just had to play with
the hand I was dealt.
MY
PARENTS BOUGHT ME INTELLIVISION!
No Combat, No Breakout, …No
Pong.
MY PARENTS BOUGHT ME
INTELLIVISION!
I don't think my attention
span will last long.
MY PARENTS BOUGHT ME
INTELLIVISION!
I wanted to run away to
MY PARENTS BOUGHT ME
INTELLIVISION!
If my parents were rich,
we'd have bought a Coleco.
With my 3 year old brother
who was kicking my ass,
It suddenly dawned on me
like morning sun;
I was playing Intellivision,
and having fun!
My friends all said "Atari Baseball rocks!"
But all of their graphics
looked like Lego blocks.
With crappy animation, the
question begs,
How do you play baseball
without moving legs?
Their color's atrocious, their
sound effects stink.
Each new Mattel game changed
the way that I think.
And soon I was raising my
IntelliVoice,
Saying Mom and Dad made the
right choice, motha-[boom!]
Screw Atari, my gaming
platform's supreme!
MY PARENTS BOUGHT ME
INTELLIVISION!
You got one button? Man, we
got sixteen!
MY PARENTS BOUGHT ME
INTELLIVISION!
And to those who cry my
intelligent rhymes,
MY PARENTS BOUGHT ME
INTELLIVISION!
You can byte me 2600 times!
Rock it like you did in
Pudding Capacity!
Insane
Ian: Yeah…
I’ll admit Atari invaded
my home
Because Mattel started with attack of the clones!
The similar games you just couldn’t avoid.
Playing Space Hawk was like blastin’ Asteroids.
Remember Tempest?
Well here’s Vectron!
And Beauty and The Beast played like Donkey Kong.
But Kool-Aid played better and was a thirst quencher,
And Swords and Serpents was way better than
Adventure.
Soon new I.P.s and translations appeared.
Burgertime on anything else just played weird.
Space Armada, Worm Whomper, Ice Trek, all
spectacular,
And what other game lets you play *AS* Dracula?
MY
PARENTS BOUGHT ME INTELLIVISION!
Remember those
commercials with my man, George
Plimpton?
MY PARENTS BOUGHT ME
INTELLIVISION!
And all those cool games
that he was straight pimpin’?
MY PARENTS BOUGHT ME
INTELLIVISION!
He said Star Strike had
the best effects, damnit!
MY PARENTS BOUGHT ME
INTELLIVISION!
'Cause it featured the
total destruction of a planet!
Catchin' lunch in Frog Bog,
because [I'm so fly!]
Call in the Bomb Squad, and
I'll be there in a flash,
'Cause I'll hit hyperspace
in an Astrosmash!
Yeah, I'm a Night Stalker
huntin' droids in the dark.
Don't fall through the Thin
Ice, you'll be shouting "Shark! Shark!"
My B-17 Bomber always on the
attack,
So don't cha gimmie no
flack! {"Watch out for flack!}
Beat my score in Lock' N
Chase? Don't make me laugh, you!
You're like a growing snake,
caught in a Snafu!
Venture through a tower,
playing hour after hour.
Like He-Man said, "I
HAVE THE POWER!"
Here's to 10 years of
digital dangers!
MY PARENTS BOUGHT ME
INTELLIVISION!
This is a shout out to the
Blue Sky Rangers!
MY PARENTS BOUGHT ME
INTELLIVISION!
But there's only one way
this song can end-o,
MY PARENTS BOUGHT ME
INTELLIVISION!
'Cause my parents up and
bought me an INTELLIVISION II!