Red Bank, NJ

A parody of "Denton, USA" from the movie "Shock Treatment",

about the films of Kevin Smith ("Clerks", "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back", etc.)

Parody lyrics by the great Luke Ski

Veronica: You'll find slacker Clerks, profane banal chats,

And shopping centers, all full of Mallrats, in Red Bank.

Dante:There's Jay and Silent Bob, with drugs to fence,

Alyssa:and baby-voiced lesbians, in Red Bank.

Jay:You'll see fallen angels make a Catholic slay-ground.

Red Bank is a real effed-up town.

Get a burger with Mooby-moo-cheese, [*moo!*]

And prophets smokin' –

Silent Bob:(*sound of taking a big toke inhalation*)

Jay:- Snootchie bootchies!

Kaitlin & Veronica:We ain't exactly goodie-goodie-two-shoes,

A bunch of savages with good news,

(Walt: Tell 'em Steve-Dave!)

That R-E-D B-A-N-K, is A-O-K,

If you're straight, or you're gay!

Jay:If you're looking for a place to get high,

Veronica:And your girlfriend did it with a dead guy,

Jay:Again and again,

Veronica:And again and again,

Jay & Veronica:And again!

EVERYBODY:Red Bank, Red Bank, we're a – Star Wars think tank,

Di – scussing Death Star casualty,

(Roofer: Any contractor working on that Death Star knew the risk involved.)

Leonardo, where that – Willum lardo

Will – see a magic-eye schooner,

(Willum: When do I get to see the sailboat?!?!)

Meet a Black Panther poofter!

(Banky: What's a Nubian?)

(Hooper X: Shut up, tracer!)

We're – Red Bank, Red Bank, New Jersey!

Randall:This is the place where you're judged morally,

Veronica:If you sell cigarettes,

Randall:But it's okay if your girl's orally,

Veronica:Involved with 36.

(Dante: Including me?)

(Veronica: 37.)

(Dante: Oh my God!)

Randall:At the video store, it's the customers I mock.

Jay:And God? You bet! It's Alanis Morrissette!

Brodie:And Mr. Fantastic can elongate his-

(Brodie: -what the? That kid is back on the escalator again!!!)

EVERYBODY:Red Bank, Red Bank, we've got – monkeys to spank,

We're – taking them 'cross the country.

(Jay: In a world gone mad, the monkey will spank us.!)

Leonardo, the Quick – Stop is charred, oh no!

"Finger Cuffs" is gropin',

But – I assure you we're open!

We're – Red Bank, Red Bank, New Jersey!

(Dante: I'm not even supposed to be here today!)

Red Bank, Red Bank, we've got – Kevin to thank

For – movies made for you and me.

(Zack: Wanna make a porno?)

(Kaitlin: Not this Jersey girl!)

Red Bank, Red Bank, they just – want us to crank

Out – comics, cartoons, and toys,

For – fangirls and fanboys,

We're – Red Bank, Red Bank, New Jersey!

Jay:NAGA-NOOCH!

[Silent Bob:…I… …I got nothin'.]