Scud
An original rap song about the comic book "Scud The Disposable Assassin"
Lyrics by the great Luke Ski (© 2008 Luke Sienkowski)
"Scud The Disposable Assassin" was created by and is © 2008 Rob Schrab 

(Note to Scud newbies: "Jeff" is the name of the 2-mouthed monster who speaks only in media sound bites. A glossary of Jeff's references is after the lyrics. ~ Luke)


God: Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord!
Scud-O: Not anymore!

Pitch Man, Carrie, and Chris:
Get your bile piled up, get your spite in a bag,
It's the best damned vengeance you ever had.
Pitch Man: Set Scud at one-
Carrie: -To get the job done!
Pitch Man: Set it at ten-
Chris: (low voice) -Never see them again!
Pitch Man, Carrie, and Chris:
It can kill at will, or be man-i-a-cal, it's-
Jeff: "What's the time?!"
Jeff: "It's time to get ill!"

(Jeff attacks singers, we hear people screaming, getting maimed, and destruction, as Jeff screams sound bites. We also hear Marvin's Manikan's employee Hershell calling 911)

Operator: 911 Emergency.
Hershell: You've got to send someone down to Marvin's Manikan! There's a monster killing everyone in it's path! Someone's got to stop it!
Jeff: "You didn't put me on a pedistal, so I'm laying you out on a slab!"
Jeff: "We're gonna have a good time!"
Jeff: "Indeed!"

Verse 1:
Boss: Johnson! Johnson: Yes Boss? Boss: This month's charts are required!
Have them done, on my desk, Five P.M., or you're fired!
Johnson: Oohhh... Pitch-Man: Is this you? Victimized, tired,
Knowing life would be better if he just expired?
Johnson: Yes? Pitch-Man: New from Scud-Co, the answer's quite keen!
Just head to your corner venting machine.
Drop three franks in the slot, and soon in short fashion
You'll have a disposable robot assassin!
Scud: So, who's the job? Pitch-Man: Will ask the sly devil.
Just tell him the target and set contempt level.
Try 'one' for some simple sharp shooting graze,
Or 'ten' for a craze what he'll drag on for days.
Once he's dead and to Heaven ascends,
Scud self destructs, tying up the loose ends!
Satisfaction Jack, with no reprisal attack,
He'll just whack the wack BEFORE THE WACK CAN WHACK BACK!

Scud: Attention! Scud Disposable Robot Assassin: Heartbreaker Series 1373. This unit will self destruct upon termination of target.

Verse 2:
Luke: At the mannequin plant, there was blood on the wall,
'Cause a juxtaposed mutant was killing them all.
It had hands for its feet, and mousetraps for hands,
A squid on its chest, tentacles and ink glands,
A big grounded plug was in place of its head,
And the mouths on its knees, when it spoke, all they said,
Pop-culture sound-bites is all it would spew,
Jeff: "Where's the beef?" Jeff: "Git 'er done!" Jeff: "Where's the Mountain Dew?!"
Scud battled the monster, when to his suprise,
In a mirror his label warned of his demise,
So instead of killing, he smashed all it's eggs,
Then took aim and blew off its arms and its legs.
Dismembered the creature, and so he'd survive,
Took it to the hospital, to keep it alive.
Then he went freelance, for hire he would kill,
Just so he could keep paying the life support bill.

Scud: My Karma just ran over your mama... I'm not yellow, I'm gold... It's cool to be a robot.

Verse 3:
Tony Tastey, works for the Don,
His crew are Goodfellas driving Voltron.
Voo-Doo Ben uses demonic forces
With lightning and kites to make zombiesauruses.
Drywall is a zippered blue sack
With 13 Wal-Marts worth of stuff in his pack.
Sussudio's a bounty hunter with style,
She's the love of Scud's life, and a robotophile.
So if you know someone whose death soon should come,
Twigger: If everything's stupiiiiiiid! Luke: And everyone's dumb,
Buy a Scud, let him out, c'mon, don't be mean!
Or he'll be like a funyun, Scud: "Stuck in the machine!"
Johnson: What happened next? It can’t be the end, can’t it?
Did that robot bastard destroy the whole planet?
Luke: Heh, you want a decade of closure? Here's how,
Buy the Scud Omnibus in your comic shop now.

Scud: I refuse to give up. I will not quit. Cowboys never quit. I'm a cowboy, and I will finish this.

Pitch Man, Carrie, and Chris:
It can kill at will, or be man-i-a-cal,
It's SCUD!
Pitch Man: The disposable!
Pitch Man, Carrie, and Chris: Assassin!


Glossary of Jeff-speak:
"What's the time?!" - MCA, the Beastie Boys, "Time To Get Ill"
"It's time to get ill!" - Ad Rock and Mike D, the Beastie Boys, "Time To Get Ill"
"You didn't put me on a pedistal, so I'm laying you out on a slab!" - The Penguin, "Batman Returns", Scud #1
"We're gonna have a good time!" - Molly, "the Ringwald and Molly Show", Scud #22
"Indeed!" - Ringwald, "the Ringwald and Molly Show"
"Where's the beef?" - Clara Peller in 80's Wendy's commercials, Scud #21
"Git 'er done!" - Larry the Cable Guy's catch phrase
"Where's the Mountain Dew?!" - Rob Schrab in the Dead Alewives sketch "Dungeons And Dragons", Scud #22

Also, 
"Everything's stupiiid!" is from "Twigger's Holiday", by Rob Schrab, ditto "the Ringwald and Molly Show", "Heat Vision And Jack", and "Robot Bastard".
"Stuck in the machine!" is Rob Schrab in the Dead Alewives sketch "Advanced Dungeons And Dragons", the rare sequel to the popular original.