Survivor: the Animated Series
An original sketch about “Survivor” and other reality shows,
Starring a cast of all the biggest cartoon stars of the past 15 years.
Written by the great Luke Ski
© 2005 Luke Sienkowski

Outline:
Opening Shpiel
Bongo Tribe
Hellaholio Tribe
Barbera Tribe
Tribal Council
The Simple Life starring Harley Quinn & Daria Morgendorfer (H&D already recorded)


Opening Shpiel

Jay Sherman:    

(SFX: Sample of Survivor theme, or just some generic dramatic jungle music sample:)

Well, reality TV fanatics, it’s finally happened.  The television industry has produced so many reality TV shows that there are no longer any actual real humans left who are not in some way already directly involved.  Leaving CBS so desperate for new contestants that they turned over their biggest reality franchise to the world of the animated.  And so here we stand, one island, thirty-nine days, three tribes, eighteen of the top cartoon stars of the past decade and a half, all competing for one million dollars.  Outwit, Outplay, Out of their minds.  This is, “Survivor: The Animated Series”.  I’m your host, Jay Sherman. …The Critic.

Bongo Tribe

Jay Sherman:    This week we begin at the camp of the Bongo Tribe.  Their task at hand is to construct a device that will give them an advantage over the other two tribes.

(SFX: ambient beach and/or jungle sound effects in BG)

Comic Book Guy:    C’mon, just do it once.

Bender:        No.

Comic Book Guy:    Please?  You simply must!

Bender:        I said no, meatbag!

Comic Book Guy:    Just give me one, “Danger, Will Robinson!  Danger!”

Bender:        Hey!  That is offensive to me and my people!  You sir, are a rob-ist!

Comic Book Guy:    Oh, stop being such a paranoid android!

Bender:        Bite my shiny metal ass!…  Oh no, here come the little kid and the quiet one.

Jay:    Holy Snoogans!  A giant talking bong!

Bender:        For the last time, I am not a bong! …Or am I?…

(SFX: Whenever Jay makes speeches, a rap beat is heard at mid-volume in the background)

Jay:    Hell’s yeah you could be!  I say we go into that forest over there, go snik snik snik, cut down all those sweet volcanic island ash buds, roll ‘em all up in these big ass palm tree leaves, and, have a big wahoo snoochie boochie Bender noochie!  What do ya say, lunchbox?

Bender:    Anyone from an animated series that lasted longer than six episodes, raise your hand!

Professor Farnsworth:    Good news everyone!  We’ve gotten a message in our little fake jungle mail box!  It says we are to construct a device that will give us an advantage over the other two tribes!

Comic Book Guy:    Well thank you so much for the update, mister exposition!

Professor Farnsworth:    Well, let’s form a think tank and see what ideas we can come up with.

Professor Frink:        Well the most logical course of action in creating such a device would be to not only include the local flora and fauna, with the trees and the bushes and the rocks and the birdies and the little bugs that bite you and give you the malaria which isn’t good… but to also utilize the luxury items that the producers of the show allowed us to bring, in conjuntion, mmhoy mmhoy.

Professor Farnsworth:    Sounds like an excellent plan.  Bender, what do you think?

Bender:        I think this uncharted desert isle has one professor too many.

Professor Farnsworth:    Well lets start with you, Professor Frink.

Professor Frink:        Thank you, Professor Farnsworth.  Anticipating this very predicament, my luxury item is my own invention called the “Luxury Item Island Usefullness Conjunction-atu-tron”!  

(SFX: Classic computer sound effects)

Professor Frink:        We simply enter the names of the luxury items we all have and it will get a readout of our surroundings and tell us exactly want we can build with said items.

Professor Farnsworth:    That’s so stupid and preposterous that it’s brilliant and logical!  You certainly live up to reputation in the annals of mad science!

Jay:    (whispering) You hear that Silent Bob?  He said ‘anals’!  They’re so totally gay for each other.

Prfoessor Frink:        Thank you, sir.  So what may I ask is your luxury item?

Professor Farnsworth:    Eh-who-wha?  Well, uh, I can’t seem to recall at the moment.  I’m sure it will come to me. Bender, what is your luxury item?

Bender:        Are you kidding?  I *AM* a luxury item, baby!

(SFX: Whenever Jay makes speeches, a rap beat is heard at mid-volume in the background)

Jay:    I brought a lighter I stole from the Quick Stop, so’s my hetero-life-mate Silent Bob here can light up his smokes, which were his luxury item.  By the way, I am so totally not gay.  But Silent Bob here, is way totally super gay.  Just wanted all you gay-rods to know that.  Nooch.

Comic Book Guy:    My luxury item is a mint- condition-in-bag issue of the comic book “Bluntman and Chronic, Number One”.  And now, if Jay and Silent Bob would be so kind as to autograph it, I can sell it on E-bay upon my return home.  I’m sure many a nerd will pay highly for this item.  By the way, I must say Silent Bob I enjoyed your unused screenplay of “Superman Lives”, although I feel mine was more accurate to the original graphic novel adaptation.  Could you please pass it along to Warner Brothers Studio for me?

(SFX: Whenever Jay makes speeches, a rap beat is heard at mid-volume in the background)

Jay:    Yo, why don’t you shut the hell up and leave my man alone?  You’re even more tubby *AND* gay than he is!  Can’t you see he’s using his awesome Jedi mind powers to build us a death star out of sticks and leaves and crap so’s we can blow those other tribes up like those little bitches on Alderaan?  Like wooooo, JEDI!  Vwing!  Snikity, vwing, nooch! (etc.)

Professor Frink:        That’s not how you do it!  It’s like Vwwiiing, vwiiing!  Vwiiing!… (etc.)

Comic Book Guy:    *sigh* That is the worst pretend light sabre fight ever!  I will show you how it’s done back on Couruscant, posers!  Shooom!  Shoom! (etc.)

Professor Farnsworth:    Oh yes!  I remember now!  My luxury item is right here in my inner coat pocket!  

(SFX: light sabre being turned on, followed by light sabre attack noises)

Professor Farnsworth:    Say hello to the 31st century, rebel scum!  Take that! (etc.)

Comic Book Guy:    C’mon C-3PO!  Help us save the Princess!

Bender:        You’re all losers.
Hellaholio Tribe

Jay Sherman:    Over at the base camp of the Hellaholio Tribe, their current task is to get a fire started, so that they can boil their drinking water, as well as find and cook their food.

(SFX: different ambient beach and/or jungle sound effects in BG)

Hank Hill:    All right, all right, everybody settle down.  Now we have some work to do, and we need to do it quick before the sun goes down.  Now since *we* are the adults here, myself and Boomhauer…

Boomhauer:    Mmm, yo.

Hank Hill:    …will be the leaders of the tribe.  We have a task at hand, and fortunately it won’t be too difficult, because my luxury item is this propane grill.  Yep, this beauty I got with my 5% employee discount from Strickland propane, is the Gas-Master 3000.

Beavis, Butthead, Cartman, & Kenny:    (all laugh at what Hank said)

Hank Hill:    Yeah, I find it awe inspiring too.  So, if you’ll all step up and take turns, Boomhauer and I will demonstrate how to get the grill going by properly lighting the fire.

Beavis:        Fire!  Fire!  FIRE!  YEAH!  FIRE!

Butt-head:    Shut up, dillhole!  Uh huh huh huh.

Beavis:        Oh yeah, heh hmm heh, sorry about that.

Hank Hill:    Now why don’t we start with the young’uns, here, since propane safety starts at age eight.  Just step on up, son.

Cartman:    Yeah, yeah, whatever, lets just get this thing started, I’m starving!  I ran out of cheesy poofs like 40 minutes ago!

Hank Hill:    Heh, so full of enthusiasm.  You remind me of my son, Bobby, what with the funny voices, and being husky and all.

Cartman:    Hey!  I am not fat!  And you’re one to talk, Mr. narrow urethra!

Hank Hill:    Now pay close attention, Eric.  First you activate the propane emission.

Butthead:    He said ‘emission’.  Huh huh huh.

Beavis:        Heh hrm heh.

Hank Hill:    Then you push the ingition spark button…  And there you go!

Cartman:    Sweet!  Let me get my pot pie out of my back pack.

Beavis:        Hey!  No fair!  I want a turn!  I wanna burn stuff!

Cartman:    No, Beavis, it’s my turn to use the grill!

Beavis:        No way lard butt, I wanna burn things!

Cartman:    NO BEAVIS! THAT’S A BAD BEAVIS!

Beavis:        OUT OF THE WAY, FAT ASS!

Cartman:    RESPECT MY ATHOURITAH!!!

Beavis:        ARE YOU THREATENING ME?!?!

Cartman & Beavis:    (continue to yell things at teach other in unison)

Hank Hill:    Hey hey hey!  There is no horseplay allowed around the Gas Master 3000!

Beavis, Butthead, Cartman, & Kenny:    (all laugh at what Hank said)

Hank Hill:    Besides, now it’s Kenny’s turn.

Kenny:        (muffled beyond comprehension: What?!)

Hank Hill:    C’mon Kenny, step on over to the barbecue grill and I’ll show you how to light it.

Kenny:        (muffled beyond comprehension: No f***ing way!)

Hank Hill:    Daylight’s a-burnin’ here, what’s the hold up?

Kenny:        (muffled beyond comprehension: As soon as I press that button, the grill is going to explode or something!)

Hank Hill:    Well that’s just silly, Kenny.  Propane grilling is the safest form of cooking known to man.  Boomhauer, why don’t you help Kenny out.  You know, uh, mentor him, or something?

Boomhauer:    Sure thing, Hank, now… (Boomhauer mumbles in his way explaining to Kenny how to work the grill)

Kenny:        (muffled beyond comprehension: says things back as if he understands and does it correctly.)

Hank Hill:    (choking back tears)  If I live to be 100, I hope someday to have such a touching and eloquent man-to-man talk with my son Bobby, boy I tell you whut!

Butt-Head:    Whoa!  That’s why seem so, uh, familiar to me, or something.  Uh huh. You sound just like that old Tom Anderson dude!  Huh huh.

Hank Hill:    What the Hell are you talking about?

Beavis:        Yeah, you sound exactly like that fartknocker!  He’s always like ‘What the hell are you boys doin’ with my lawnmower?’

Butt-head:    Yeah!  Huh huh. (continues to laugh)

Beavis:        ‘You boys leave that dog alone, you little bastards!’

Hank Hill:    Now see here!  If you two don’t start being good role models for our impressionable younger teammates, I’ll take you over my knee and give you some capital punishment, Texas style, boy I tell you whut!

Beavis:        ‘Boy I tell you whut!’ (continues to laugh)

Butt-head:    (continues to laugh)

Hank Hill:    Why you little-

Boomhauer:    Whoa whoa whoa man!  Hank (etc.) dang ol daylight burning, man!

Hank Hill:    You’re right Boomhauer.  Always the clear voice of reason.  Okay, so lets move on to the next thing we have to do now that the grill is going, and get our metal pot full of well water so we can boil it.  You see, we have to boil it to kill any of the foreign germs in the water supply, making it safe to drink.  If we don’t we all could very well get diarrhea.

Beavis & Butthead:    Diarrhea!  Cha cha cha!  Diarrhea!  Cha cha cha!

Cartman & Kenny join Beavis & Butthead:  Yeah!  Diarrhea!  Cha cha cha!  Diarrhea!  Cha cha cha! (they all laugh)

Hank Hill:    *sigh* Them boys ain’t right.

Butt-head:    Uh, speaking of ‘Daria’, huh huh.  Why aren’t there any chicks on this show? Huh huh huh.

Kenny:        (muffled beyond comprehension: Yeah, really!)

Boomhauer:    The kid makes a dang ol good point, man.

Beavis:        Yeah!  I mean, I came out here to win money, score with hot chicks in bikinis, and eat rats!  And I haven’t done any of that stuff yet!  Heh heh.  Dammit!  Heh heh.

Butt-head:    Hey, uh, Beavis, got that, uh, luxury, uh, bat of yours?

Beavis:        Yep, got the baseball bat right here.  Heh hmm heh.

Butt-head:    Well, uh, I think I know how to get some rats to show up!

(SFX: Kenny death sting music)

Kenny:        (muffled beyond comprehension: Uh, oh.)

Butt-head:    Hey, uh, Kenny, come here.  Huh huh.  Come to Butt-head.  Huh huh (Butt-head grabs Kenny, etc.)

Kenny:        (muffled beyond comprehension: No way!  Get the hell away from me! (struggle ensues, yelling, etc.))

Beavis:        Yeah!  Get ‘im!  GET ‘IM!  YEAH!  (etc.)

Beavis & Butt-head:    KENNY BASEBALL!!!

(Butt-head throws Kenny, and Beavis smacks him with the baseball bat.  Kenny falls to the ground and we hear the rats approach.)

(SFX: Kenny being thrown, Crunch of being hit, rats attacking Kenny)

Hank Hill:    Oh, my god!  They killed Kenny!

Boomhauer:    Dang ol, bastard!

Butt-head:    Uh, here you go.  Throw that rat right on the grill Beavis!  Uh huh huh.

Beavis:        Yeah!  Yeah!  (crunch) Mmm!  It’s like, beef jerky.  Heh hmm heh.

Cartman:    (who has been laughing since Kenny was killed) …Poor piece of crap!



























Barbera Tribe

Jay Sherman:    Over at the Barbera tribe, while certain team members start to feel the pressure of being voted out, a message from the outside world is delivered to one of our players against the will of the producers via a banner being pulled by an airplane.

(SFX: another different ambient beach and/or jungle sound effects in BG)

Iago:    I gotta form an alliance with somebody quick or I’m one dead bird.  I wish Jafar was here, that was an alliance with brains *and* power.  Oh look!  It’s the little monkey!  Hey monkey, let’s form an alliance!  What do you say?

Mojo Jojo:    I, Mojo Jojo, do not take offers to form alliances, I give orders to all those around me!  I say things and when I say things people hear them and when they hear them they do what I say and I will rule this island and all of Townsville for I am Mojo Jojoooo!!!!

Iago:    Sheesh!  Forget it!  I’m used to monkeys not talking that much!  Hey Pinky!  You want to form an alliance with me?

Pinky:    Oh, no thank you!  I’ve already formed an alliance with this Log!  Ha ha ha!  It’s lo-og!  It’s lo-og!  It’s big, it’s heavy, it’s wood!  ZORT!

Ren:    Shut up, you eediot!!!

Pinky:    Right-O, Ren!

Stewie:    Excuse me, dog!  I am in need of your excrement handling expertise.  You see, I’ve got quite a load in my diaper back here, and since Lois isn’t here and I know that hauling waste is second nature to you, I’d appreciate it if I can break you away from marking your territory long enough to change me.

Ren:    Change your stinky diaper?  Ha!  Do it yourself!

Stewie:    Change me now!  Before I, uh, oh no, here comes the big dumb cat-looking thing.

Ren:    You mean Stimpy?

Stewie:    No, the other one.

Brak:    Hello, my name is Brak!

Mojo Jojo:    Yes, we know!  You tell us that every time we see you!

Brak:    Why it’s a pleasure to meet you too!  And your name is?

Mojo Jojo:    I, am MOJO JOJO!  My superior simian intellect will make me the best and consequently make you the worst and with me as the best and you as the worst I will be the one who will be winning all the challenges and food stuffs and Kia automobile bonus prizes for I, Mojo Jojo, will be the ultimate Survivor!!!!

Brak:    Hello, my name is Brak!

Mojo Jojo:    Aaaauugh!!!

(SFX: The sound of an explosion in the water far away, Sealab blowing up)

Iago:    What the hell was that?

Brak:    Oh, that was just Sealab blowing up again.  It does that about every 12 minutes.

Stewie:        I do say, Pinky, you’re a lab rat familiar with scientific experimentation.  I think with my keen intellect and your willingness to be continually abused, we could make quite the unstoppable force to conquer this show and soon after the rest of the planet!  What do you say?

Pinky:    Are you kidding?  POIT!  Hanging around with short mammals with oversized heads who have daily ambitious world domination plans is my bag, baby!  Hee hee hua ha, NARF!

Stewie:        Exellent! Anything would be better than teaming with those two stupid monkeys.

Mojo Jojo:    I am not stupid!

Brak:        I am not a monkey!

Mojo Jojo:    I, Mojo Jojo, will form an unbreakable alliance with Ren Hoek the Ashthma Hound Chihuahua by using the power of the anubis jewels to control his doggie mind!  Ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Ren:    You sick little monkey!  Why I oughta!

(SFX:  Ren gets zapped)

Ren:    I, am, so, happy!  I, must, go, do, nice, things, for, my best friend, Mojo Jojo!

Mojo Jojo:    Haa ha ha ha ha!!!

Stewie:        Hmm, what in impressive device!  Perhaps I could use such a thing on Brain when I get home.  Get him to maul Lois or something.  Rupert, are you writing this down?  Rupert!  Stop reading Cosmopolitan and pay attention!

Iago:    Well, Brak, it looks like it’s just you and me, chump.  You want to form an alliance?

Brak:    Why sure thing, Zazu!

Iago:    It’s Iago!

Brak:    Why sure thing, Iago!  In fact, I’m so happy about our new friendship, I’m gonna sing a song about my new buddy!

(SFX: Can we add music to this?  Synth Piano?)

Brak:    (singing)  Well he’s short and red and from Tiera Del Fuego!…

Iago:    What?

Brak:    …His name’s like the waffle, and they call him Eggo!  Oh, Eggo the parrot is my best pal!  We’re gonna ride a caterpillar to the rainbow land of turnips, where dinosaurs do your taxes and everyone smells like six pounds of bacon in a five meter bacon pouch! (etc.)

Iago:    I left Disney for this?

(SFX: propellor airplane flying)

Iago:    Hey Brak, there’s a plane up there in the sky pulling a banner.  Looks like it’s a message for you.

Brak:    Well let me see there, buddy!  Wow!  Hey!  All right!  Lemmie read it!  It says, “Dear Brak.  This is Zorak.  Nobody likes you.  They think you are are stupid and dumb and annoying and ugly and a big baby and you’re probably going to start crying before you even get done reading thi-AAAAAAHHHH!!! (Brak cries)

Zorak:    (heard in the distance on the plane: Laughing) Take that, jackass!  Mua ha ha ha! (etc.)
































Tribal Council

(SFX: A little more of whatever was used of the theme music, followed by the sound of a campfire burning, with maybe some jungle drums way off in the distance)

Jay Sherman:    Welcome to Tribal Council.  I know this week has been trying for you all, but at least we can all take solace in the fact that those of us whose shows were cancelled now have a chance to work again.

Professor Farnsworth:    Oh, my, yes.

Jay:    Word, yo.

Ren:    You said it, pal.

Pinky:    Narf!

Brak:    Hello, my name is Brak!

Butt-head:    Work sucks.

Beavis:        Yeah, really.

Stewie:        My show got renewed, did you hear?

Bender:    Yeah, shut up before I bend you in half!

Jay Sherman:    Now, there was some drama and issues in the Hellaholio tribe this week.  Hank, care to talk about it?

Hank Hill:    Well, uh, ahem, there was a bit of an, uh, accident, and I thought Kenny had, uh, passed on.  But the next morning, there he was, good as new.  Heh.  Quite a resilient young lad there.

Kenny:        (muffled beyond comprehension: You’ll get used to it after a while.)

Cartman:    Yeah, he’s always doing that.  It’s hella-weak.

Jay Sherman:    And of course, Butt-head brought up an issue.

Butt-head:    Yeah!  Where are all the chicks!  Uh huh huh.

Beavis:        Hehe hmm heh, Yeah!  I wanna score with that chick from season two that everybody hated and then became a big whore and appeared on every other reality TV show ever made!  Heh hmm heh!

Butt-head:    Uh huh huh, I get her first, Beavis!  Huh huh.

Beavis:        No you don’t!  She’s mine!  Butthole!


(SFX: Whenever Jay makes speeches, a rap beat is heard at mid-volume in the background)

Jay:    Yeah, why don’t we get those producer guys to drop us a parachuted plane-load of hot honeys so’s we can all get our freak on, jungle style, nooch!

Mojo Jojo:    Hey, having girls around all the time is *NOT* what it is cracked up to be!  They interfere with your plans and give you large veterinarian bills!

Jay Sherman:    During our Island Game-Hunting Challenge, our hunters with the top two largest amounts of game hunted and killed for sustenance, were Hank Hill and Stewie Griffin.  How did each of you bring down so many free-range animals?

Hank Hill:    Well you can thank the folks of the Arlen, Texas branch of the NRA for keeping guns in the hands of well trained intelligent Americans like me.

Stewie:        My luxury item was a death ray.  It only took me about five minutes to take out eight or nine indigenous endangered species.  Quite tasty indeed.

Jay Sherman:    Yes, they were.  As your reward, you both get to see a televised message from your loved ones at home.  Stewie, we’ll start with you.

(SFX: Turns TV on: All the people on TV sound like they’re on TV*)

*Brian:    Hey Stewie, this is Brian.  Uh, listen, will you tell Peter that just because that one guy was naked on Survivor all season that it doesn’t mean he has to remain naked for the entire run of this season?

*Peter:        Hey little guy!  Make your big fat naked daddy proud!  He-he-he-he-he-he!

*Brian:    Seriously.  He went out for ice cream last night, and now the Mayor of Quahog has us under house arrest.  And we’re out of toilet paper.

Beavis:        I need T.P. for my bunghole!  Heh hmm heh!

Stewie:        Well that was anti-climactic and psychologically disturbing.

Jay Sherman:    Now here’s your message from home, Hank.

Hank Hill:    I sure hope Peggy is, bwaah!

*Dale:    Hank!  It’s Dale!

*Bill:    Let me talk to him!

*Dale:    Shut up Bill, this is too important!  It’s all a sham!  “Survivor” is nothing but a government funded mass hypnosis experiment to get Midwesterners to move to Borneo!

Hank Hill:    Oh, god.

*Bill:    Hi Hank!  Look at me, I’m on T.V.!  Don’t worry, I’m keeping an eye on Peggy for you!

Hank Hill:    You stay the hell away from my wife, Bill!

*Dale:        Don’t worry!  I’ve hired a detective agency to get you out of there!  They’re stowed away in the crates for next week’s food challenge!

Jay Sherman:    What?  Wait a minute, those food crates are right here!

(SFX: Sound of opening a crate)

Jay Sherman:    HOTCHIE MOTCHIE!

Master Shake:    All right, nobody move!  Aqua Teen Hunger Force!  Assemble!

Meatwad:    Do we get to go to the beach now!

Master Shake:    The beach is forbidden!

Frylock:    Shake, you said we were going to the beach.

Master Shake:    I say a lot of things, it doesn’t mean I have to do them.

Frylock:    What’s going on Shake?

Master Shake:    Look, I may have duped that redneck nutjob, Rusty Shackleford, into getting us on this island, but now that we are here, it is *WE* who shall be the alliance that wins the million dollar prize!  And by we, I mean once it’s down to the final three, I’ll feed you two the alligators.

Meatwad:    Will you buy me a new jam box?

Master Shake:    Sure, I’ll place it on a candled altar I’ll erect in your honor, in my mind, because I don’t have the time to make such things.

Meatwad:    Thank you Master Shake.  You’re so good to me.

Frylock:    Look, I’m sorry folks, we’ll just go down to the beach and swim and leave you to your show.  NOW, Shake!

Master Shake:    I am the leader!  I say when we go to the beach!…  Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to the beach, to become the million dollar surfing king of reality television.  So long, suckers!

*Carl:    Hey!  You people out there!  This is Carl on the TV monitor!  Where the hell is that shake monster?  He left me with a $700 bill from UPS!  That son of bi-

Jay Sherman:    Feh. Well while all that pointless banter was going on, I tallied the votes to see who will be the first cartoon character voted out on “Survivor: The Animated Series”.  Here we go.  The first vote, which suspiciously has orange cheesy poof dust on it, is for Kenny.

Kenny:        (muffled beyond comprehension: What?!)

Cartman:    Heh heh heh heh heh…

Jay Sherman:    And… the other 15 votes were for Cartman.

Cartman:    WHAT?!?!

Kenny:        (muffled beyond comprehension: Ha ha ha ha ha!)

Cartman:    You asshole Kenny, we had an alliance!  

Kenny:        (muffled beyond comprehension: Yeah, fuck you too!)

Cartman:    You all voted against me?!  Why?!

EVERYBODY ELSE:    Cause you’re a big fat ass!

Cartman:    Well I don’t need your stupid show anyway!  I’m gonna go do “Big Brother: The Animated Series” with Clydefrog and Polly Prissypants!  You god damn hippies!

Jay Sherman:    Eric, bring your torch forward.

Cartman:    No no no, screw you guys, I’m going home!

Jay Sherman:    Cartman, the tribe has spo-

Cartman:    No no no, screw you guys!  Home!

Jay Sherman:    Well that’s it for this week.  Stay tuned, because coming up next is “The Simple Life: The Animated Series” starring Harley Quinn and Daria Morgendorfer.























The Simple Life starring Harley Quinn & Daria Morgendorfer

(*SFX: farm and herd of cattle*)

Harley Quinn:    Just look at us!  Two single girls, two socially outcast misfits, out on the road, seeking fun and adventure!

Daria:        Yes.  This will surely be more fun than the Lawndale homecoming pep rally.

Harley Quinn:    Oh, c’mon Daria!  Turn that frown upside down!  That’s what my puddin’ always said!  Ah, his charmingly big smile, his broad shoulders, his noggin never quite all there, how I love him so!

Daria:        Brittany?  Is that you?

Harley Quinn:    You just gotta be more like me, cause blondes have more fun!

Daria:        Yep, it’s Brittany all right.

Harley Quinn:    Now we gotta get our farm chores done here, Daria sweetie.  Now take a look at this herd of cattle here.  What do you see?

Daria:        A metaphor for the American consumer populous?

Harley Quinn:    It’s an opportunity to show the boss that we can take charge and coral these hunks of hamburger into the barn!  So we’ll split up our duties.  Your job is to call the cattle towards us.  Here, put on this pink sequined cowboy hat!

Daria:        Yee-hah.

Harley Quinn:    Now you call them over, while I coral them with the help of my pet hyenas.  C’mon babies!  Mama has some work for you to do!  

(SFX: rabid yowling hyena noises, followed by a cattle stampede)

Harley Quinn:    C’mon!  Let’s go! (etc.)

Daria:        Get along little dough-gie.  Yippie-kiyay.  (Sigh,) I missed tutoring summer school students for this?

(SFX: end Simple Life segment, return to theme music & campfire sounds)

Jay Sherman:    It stinks!  Now, If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to head down to the beach and visit some delectable oversized fast food items.  Mmm, ach-hem ach-hem ach-hem!

(SFX: Music crescendos, then fades out)

(the end)