“The Doctor and William”
A parody of “Rhymin’ and Stealin’” by the Beastie Boys
About “The Dr. Demento Show”, and demented news reporter Whimsical Will.
Parody lyrics by ‘the great Luke Ski’
© 1997 ~ 2005 Luke Sienkowski

(*The Doctor is in!!!*)

LUKE:     …Because, playin’ funny music’s what he’s all about.
STYLES:     He’ll take your radio station, turn it inside out.
J.T.:         Livin’ in dementia is mental, not physical.
LUKE:     With Dr. Demento, and Will gettin' Whimsical.
STYLES:     At your beck and call, they will do what you please.
J.T.:         Call 562-ODD-TUNE, and they’ll play “Dead Puppies”.
LUKE:     Doc has
ALL:         twenty-seven
STYLES:     years and countin’ on the air.
LUKE:     Will’s only got ten,
ALL:         But what do we care?

LUKE:     Most funniest people,
STYLES:     They get top billin’.
J.T.:         I get more laughs
ALL:         From the Doctor and William!

(*Fire at will.* *Fire at will.* *Fire at will.* *Fire at will, fire at will, fire at will.* *Fire at will!*)

STYLES:     The Demented News is on every week, and Will’s re-
ALL:         portin’
STYLES:     the ca-
ALL:         vortin’
STYLES:     of
J.T.:         Every freak.
LUKE:     Even crop field hedgehogs,
STYLES:     Are punny and witty,
LUKE:     At the Land
J.T.:         of
LUKE:     Dementia
J.T.:         in
LUKE:     Cul-
J.T.:         ver
LUKE:     City!
STYLES:     Will’s at home,
ALL:         Playin’ his Sega,
STYLES:     Takin’ out a girly by the name of Enya.
STYLES:     His hero’s dressed like a bat,
ALL:         But don’t you ask him, “Where’s the bathroom’s at?!”
LUKE:     The news is always funny,
J.T.:         Man, there is no doubt.
(*Slow down, mister!* *I’m spittin’ mad!* *Ah, blow it out!*
*Hang onto them hats and glasses!* *Are we startin’ this again?*)
J.T.:         Because he’s
ALL:         got
J.T.:         More sound
ALL:         bites
J.T.:         than
ALL:         C.N.N.!

LUKE:     Most funniest people,
STYLES:     They get top billin’.
J.T.:         I get more laughs,
ALL:         From the Doctor and William.

ALL:         Pico and Sepulveda, Pico and Sepulveda,
        Pico and Sepulveda, Pico and Sepulveda!
        Pico and Sepulveda! Pico and Sepulveda!
        Pico and Sepulveda! Pico and Sepulveda!

ALL:         Home coming shootin’, and carrot juice drinkin’!
ALL:         Capitol Steppin', while Ray Stevens is streakin’!
J.T.:         Tom Lehrer’s prepare-ered, Stan Freberg does Elvis,
STYLES:     Col’ foolin’,
LUKE:     Vestabule-in’,
J.T.:         And my bouffant bulbous.
STYLES:     Voobaha, and a bucket of fish heads,
LUKE:     And if I was in Monty Python, my name would be ‘Two-Sheds’.
J.T.:         Saint
LUKE:     George-in’,
J.T.:         Time
LUKE:     Warpin’, playing every big hit.
ALL:         The o - ther D. - J.s sound - like shaving cream!
LUKE:     Most funniest people,
STYLES:     They get top billin’.
J.T.:         I get more laughs,
ALL:         From the Doctor and William.

(*Aaah!  Noooo!  I can’t take it!  Nooo!  Ahhahhah! – That’s, that’s okay William!  That’s okay William!   That’s okay!*)

STYLES:     It’s the second week of deer camp, drinkin’ da beer.
(*Open up the door, it’s Dave!*)
ALL:         Man, Dave’s not here!  
(*Who?*)
LUKE:     Dungeons and Dragons,
J.T.:         And the Dead Alewives
LUKE:     Are havin’ Mountain Dew right at the Funny Five.
J.T.:         Number Four is
STYLES:      ‘Lijah,
J.T.:         And Three,
STYLES:     Muddah, Hello.
LUKE:     With Fat at Number Two and Number One is as follows:
ALL:         The Doctor And William by the great Luke Ski,
ALL:         And his rowdy crew, known as Psycho Potpourri!

LUKE:     Most funniest people,
STYLES:     They get top billin’.
J.T.:         I get more laughs,
ALL:         From the Doctor and William.

LUKE:     He has no patients,
STYLES:     And no penicillin,
J.T.:         Just thousands of tracks,
ALL:         From the Doctor and William.
LUKE:     With surfin’ old Mimi,
STYLES:     And Popsicle Phil, and
J.T.:         The Demented News,
ALL:         With the Doctor and William.
LUKE:     KY102
STYLES:     If they mess up, I’ll kill ‘em,
J.T.:         I must get laughs,
ALL:         From the Doctor and William.
LUKE:     Bugs Bunny-est people,
        (*Eeeeh, what’s up Doc?*)
STYLES:     (E. Fudd voice:) I get mowe waffs fwom the Doctow and William.
LUKE:     Simpson-niest people,
(*Whi-Whi-Whimsical Will here!*)
J.T.:         I get more news from the Doctor and William.

LUKE:     Simpleton-niest people,
J.T.:         Like Spike and the City Slickers.
LUKE:     Home-spun-niest people,
J.T.:         Like Homer and Jethro, man.
LUKE:     Unison-niest people,
J.T.:         Like Bobs and the Foremen.
LUKE:     Accordion-niest people,
J.T.:         “Weird Al” Yankovic.
LUKE:     Records spun-niest people,
J.T.:         This is the right way to parody,
LUKE:     Number One-niest people,
J.T.:         The Beastie Boys.
LUKE:     The rerun-niest, punniest, funniest people,
J.T.:         I hope they put this song on the air.  Yeah.

LUKE:     (Dr. Demento voice:) And on the cool checkin’, center stage on the mic, and we’re putting it on wax, it’s the new style!  Woo woo woo!…

(*To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time, and I’ll be happy to see those…*)