"UR"
A sketch by the great Luke Ski and Carrie Dahlby
Based on an idea by Carrie Dahlby
[A hard rock theme song akin to late 80's / early 90's action cartoon shows for boys plays,
male vocalists sing in unison the lyrics to the theme song:]
THEME SONG VOCALISTS: Unexplained Rash, Unexplained Rash, Unexplained Rash!
GUY 1: Unexplained Rash! Yeah!
[Stinger music plays]
TV ANNOUNCER: This week's episode: 'Cripes! Where did that come from?'
GUY 2: Hey, how's it goin'?
GUY 1: Oh, it's going pretty good- CRIPES! WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!?!
[Stinger music plays]
TV ANNOUNCER: We'll be right back to "Unexplained Rash" after this word from our sponsor.
[Some different music plays softly in the background]
COMM. ANNOUNCER: Hey kids! Do you love all the fun and excitement of your favorite
cartoon action adventure show "Unexplained Rash"!?
KIDS: Yeah!
COMM. ANNOUNCER: Well now you can live it every morning at your breakfast table when
you eat a new cereal based on your favorite TV show!
KIDS: Whaa?
COMM. ANNOUNCER: That's right, it's "Unexplained Rash: The Breakfast Cereal!"
[Stinger music plays]
KIDS: All right!
GUY 1: Unexplained Rash! Yeah!
COMM. ANNOUNCER: Yes, in every bowl you'll get a lumpy, bumpy swollen mouthful of red blisters!
KIDS: Wow!
COMM. ANNOUNCER: Orange pimples!
KIDS: Cool!
COMM. ANNOUNCER: Yellow hives!
NEAT KID: Neat!
COMM. ANNOUNCER: Green urticaria!
KIDS: Uhh.
COMM. ANNOUNCER: Blue eczema!
KIDS: Umm.
COMM. ANNOUNCER: And purple dermatitis!
NAUSEUS KID: I'm really not hungry anymore.
NEAT KID: No thank you.
COMM. ANNOUNCER: With a full day's supply of histamines, it's an allergenic part of your nutritious
breakfast. Your kids are just itchin' to try it!
RAD KID: "Unexplained Rash: The Breakfast Cereal" is the raddest!
RADISH: Did somebody mention a radish?
KIDS AND RADISH: [laugh a lot at that last line as if it were a catch phrase from the show]
[The different music ends, stinger music plays]
TV ANNOUNCER: And now, the exciting conclusion of "Unexplained Rash"!
GUY 1: Oh, it's just a couple Mosquito bites. It's all right.
RADISH: Did somebody mention a radish?
GUY 1: No.
RADISH: [bummed] Huuuuhhh…
[Theme song repeats]
THEME SONG VOCALISTS: Unexplained Rash, Unexplained Rash, Unexplained Rash!
TV ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned! Coming up next is everyone's favorite web ejaculating super hero, Spider Crotch!
[Vocalists sing the Spider Crotch theme song to the tune of "Spider-Man"]
SPIDER-CROTCH VOCALISTS: Spider Crotch, Spider Crotch, he shoots things from his crotch
while others watch. See his swinging with his penis over the city and kissing girls upside down,
because that's what they did in that other movie…
[-fin-]
THEME SONG VOCALISTS: Possible Oscar (they also composed the theme music)
GUY 1: Earl "Wyngarde" Luckes
TV ANNOUNCER: Chris Mezzolesta of 'Power Salad'
GUY 2: the great Luke Ski
COMM. ANNOUNCER: ShoEboX of 'Worm Quartet'
NEAT KID: Jared Ringold
NAUSEUS KID: Devo Spice of 'Sudden Death'
RAD KID: Carrie Dahlby
INDISTINGUISHABLE KID: Jeff Smith of 'Raymond & Scum'
RADISH: the great Luke Ski
SPIDER-CROTCH VOCALISTS: Carrie Dahlby, the great Luke Ski, and ShoEboX of 'Worm Quartet'