Vacuum Cleaner Hoses
By Willio & Philio
Sci-fi bridge sound bite impressions by the great Luke Ski

I was cruisin' in my ship
On an interstellar trip
And I'd really had a nasty flight.
So I landed on a planet
Made with Styrofoam and granite
To see if I could spend the night.
I was a-dyin' of starvation
In suspended animation.
Hadn't had a bite since 2003.
Whoa, but little did I know
Where I was about to go,
Wretched hive of scum and villany!

And they had
Vacuum cleaner hoses
Comin' out of their noses,
And nothing where their mouths should be. Woo!
They had little green feet,
And I don't know what they eat,
But one of them was eyein' me.
I couldn't help but stare
At their neon hair.
You know it was a sight to see.
If they would just leave me alone,
You know I'd go back home.
Mama, this is no place for me.

I said 'Excuse me, but
You know it's getting dark,
And I think I'm double parked',
And I started for the door post haste.
Just as I started prayin',
I could hear my Mama sayin',
'Son, don't go flyin' off in space.'
I should have listened to my Mama when she told me

They got
Vacuum cleaner hoses
Comin' out of their noses,
And nothing where their mouths should be. Woo!
They got them little green feet,
And I don't know what they eat,
And one of them was eyein' me.
I couldn't help but stare
At their neon hair.
You know it was a sight to see.
If they would just leave me alone,
You know I'd go back home.
Mama, this is no place for me.
2, 3, 4!
Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!!!

Robot: Danger, Will Robinson!
Scotty: It's becoming critical, Captain. We can't handle it!
Dalek: Exterminate!
Cylon: By your command!
Worf: Perhaps today is a good day to die!
Hudson: Game over, man!
Gwen DeMarco: I have one job on this lousy ship, it's stupid, but I'm gonna do it!
Wash: I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar.
Dark Helmet: BULLSHIT! Stop this thing! I order you! Stoooooop!
Han Solo: You're all clear, kid! Now let's blow this thing and go home!

Well I hurried to my ride,
But when I stepped inside,
There were critters everywhere in sight.
It seems the rays that exude
From that old T.V. tube
Make 'em wanna boogie all night.
They'd been watching my fission
Powered color television.
Well I guess there's no accounting for taste.
So I took them all along,
And now we're singing a song,
And we're having fun somewhere in space.
Yeeee-haaah!+

And they got
Vacuum cleaner hoses
Comin' out of their noses,
And nothing where their mouths should be. A-Woo!
They got them little green feet,
And I don't know what they eat,
And one of them was eyein' me.
I can't help but stare
At their neon hair.
You know it is a sight to see.
If they would just leave me alone,
You know I'd go back home.
Mama, this is no place for me.

Oh no Ma,
This is no place for me.
Oh Daddy,
This is no place for me.
Oh cousin,
This is no place for me.
Ah ah ah ah aah!
This is no place for me.
Yeeee haaah!
This is no place for me.
Let me outta here!
If they would just leave me alone,
You know I'd go back home.
Mama, this is no place for me!