What's Up With That?!
A style-parody of "I Can't Get Behind That" by William Shatner & Henry Rollins
Written & Performed by Wyngarde & the great Luke Ski
Idea by Earl Luckes. © 2007 Earl Luckes & Luke Sienkowski
(noise of guitar being ready to be played, drum tinkering)
WYNGARDE: Hey! I've got something to say!
LUKE: What's that?
(drum kicks in with the beat, guitar follows suit)
WYNGARDE: If Tim Burton's so original and
independent, why does he do nothing but big budget movies for major
studios based on existing franchises?
LUKE: Hey! Didn't think of that before! What's Up With that?
WYNGARDE: I dunno...
LUKE: Or how about, you pay extra for caller ID, and when people call, the message reads "Unknown caller"?
WYNGARDE: (pinching his nose as if a phone operator:) What's up with that?
LUKE: Who was that?
WYNGARDE: We've got an endless parade of classic rock cover bands.
LUKE: How come there are no classic rap cover bands? What's up with that?
WYNGARDE: Word.
LUKE: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42.
WYNGARDE: What's up with that?
LUKE: Dude, you're lost.
WYNGARDE: Damn you, J.J. Abrams!
LUKE: How come there aren't vending machines with cans of milk? What's up with that?
WYNGARDE: It would get warm and turn to cottage cheese in a can. THAT'S What's up with that!
LUKE: Oh. Well then why is it when I go to a fast
food restaurant, the burger and soda cost more than the combo with
fries? What if I want to save money, but I don't want fries? Why am I
getting unnecessary potatoes forced upon me? Does the Idaho Mafia have
Ronald McDonald tied up in some Boise warehouse somewhere? What's up
with that?
WYNGARDE: Sounds like you need a happy meal...
LUKE: Yeah...I do...but it comes with the fries! THE FRIES!!!
WYNGARDE: People still doing Jerry Seinfeld impressions.
LUKE: (as Seinfeld:) What is the deal with that? I mean, hey!
WYNGARDE: Well, it's less obscure than Gilbert Gottfried I guess.
LUKE: Yuppies buy their daughters American Girl dolls at two hundred bucks a pop.
WYNGARDE: Not including the dozens of different outfits sold separately at the prices of real clothing.
LUKE: But if I collect six dollar action figures bought at Target, that makes me some kind of freak.
WYNGARDE: Yo Joe! What's up with that? Speaking of
Hasbro, if the live action Transformers movie made you cry, just go to
YouTube and do a search for Speilbay!
LUKE: Dude, did you just plug your videos in this song?
WYNGARDE: Just call it my own personal Luke Ski moment!
LUKE: Uuuggh!!! What's up with that, Wyngarde?!
WYNGARDE: This endless parade of re-made/re-imagined
movies needs to be obliterated! I won't stop until I have the severed
head of Michael Bay mounted on a pike in my front lawn! That's what's
up and in your face! Look out!
(drums & guitar stops briefly)
WYNARDE: But let's get serious for just a moment!
(drums and guitar come back in with a more serious groove)
LUKE: Thousands of people are dying on both sides of the Iraq war!
WYNGARDE: While Washington's giving themselves raises!
LUKE: Taxes are too high, Education's too low!
WYNGARDE: Crime and drugs are killing the country!
LUKE: All these things are happening!
WYNGARDE: And it's not out in the mainstream!-
(serious groove transitions back to the previous groove)
LUKE: -But every time Paris Hilton gets a parking ticket, it's headline news!
WYNGARDE: (mock crying as Paris:) Oh boo-hoo!
I was in jail for five minutes! The trauma has left me unable
unable to enjoy my scrambled eggs! That's why I won't eat
breakfast!
LUKE: What's up with that?
WYNGARDE: She's creepy looking, that's what! All right, let's kick it!
(guitar drops out so it's drums only)
WYNGARDE: Reality shows!
BOTH: What's up with that?
LUKE: Kevin Bacon!
BOTH: What's up with him?
WYNGARDE: Diet Jolt soda.
BOTH: What's the point of that?
LUKE: Wait, did you say "Let's kick it" back there?
WYNGARDE: Yeah.
LUKE: (scoff) What's up with that?
(drums stop, a brief wild guitar solo... then drums and guitar return the the groove)
LUKE: Get Ben Folds to produce a track,
WYNGARDE: By William Shatner,
LUKE: And Henry Rollins,
WYNGARDE: With guitarist Adrien Baloo and a drummer?
(music stops)
LUKE: I *CAN* get behind THAT!
WYNGARDE: You're not American if you can't!
(music continues)
WYNGARDE: But George Lucas altering "Star Wars:
Episode IV: A New Hope" once a year because he can't figure out his own
movies? Doing stuff like...
LUKE: ...Having GREEDO SHOOT FIRST?!
(music stops)
BOTH: WHAT THE F-[bleep!] IS UP WITH THAT?!
(music continues)
WYNGARDE: "Megaforce" is not on DVD. What's up with that?
LUKE: It's more like, bass-playing robots who are
far too obsessed with old TV shows that nobody else remembers. What's
up with that?
WYNGARDE: Oh, well how about people satirizing
popular music to make silly sci-fi and pop-culture parody songs?
LUKE: There's nothing neither up nor wrong with that, my GOBOT friend!
WYNARDE: HEY! You wanna go?! C'mon, right now!
LUKE: Yeah, I do!
WYNGARDE: Brian Synger making "Superman Returns" ruined X-Men 3.
LUKE: No Brett Ratner did.
WYNGARDE: Brian Synger.
LUKE: Brett Ratner!
WYNGARDE: BRIAN "I Ruined Superman" SYNGER!
LUKE: BRETT "I Ruined X-Men" RATNER
WYNGARDE: BRIAN SYNGER!!! AAAH!! MY OIL PRESSURE!!!
LUKE: Man, what's up with that?
WYNGARDE: Bring us home, Luke Ski!
LUKE: Baby Boomer mundane morning zoo disc jockeys,
still making jokes about how "white people can't rap?" Ha ha ha ha!
WYNGARDE: It's the 21st century, you closed minded-fossils!
LUKE: ICP, 3rd Bass, Kid Rock, the Beastie Boys, and Eminem just called!
WYNGARDE: They're all going over to your houses!
LUKE: And they're going to break all your Elvis
Presley records, you dumb fat ignorant hypocrites! And THAT is what's
up with THAT!!!
(Drums and guitar hit closing riffs on the last "THAT", with Wyngarde shouting the last line over them)
WYNGARDE: WHAT - IS UP - WITH DAVID HASSLEHOFF?!?!?!....
(Drums and guitar have stopped)
LUKE: I know! Gimmie another!
WYNGARDE: No, I'm done with that.
LUKE: Eh, oh.